How Do I Know Whether or Not Couples Counseling Will Help?

            
            I know many couples out there realize that they could benefit from couples counseling. Yet they would like to have a better idea of what they will really get out of it before they invest their time and money. Ultimately, what you will get out of couple's counseling depends on several factors. For one, you must be able to get some kind of a sense from the first session as to whether or not the counselor’s personality and counseling style feels comfortable for both of you. Your counselor needs to be a good fit. Secondly, you must understand that the counselor is there to help you learn how to have a healthier relationship. However, to achieve a healthier relationship takes a commitment from both partners to: make their relationship a priority; follow through with working towards goals set in counseling; and honor verbal commitments made in counseling. Remaining open to change (change can be difficult, even if it is needed for happiness and growth), following through with goals, putting plans into action,  and being willing to ask “What could I do differently to improve this situation?”. When you think about it, these are things you would do to keep yourself from getting stressed at work (or fired). Doesn’t it make sense to put the same effort into your family life and your relationship with your significant other?

            
            Everyone establishes their own pace in the couples counseling process. However, if one partner is operating at a near stagnant pace in spite of knowing that their partner is bounding ahead and becoming frustrated with what might seem like reluctance to them,  growing pains could ensue if the other partner doesn’t pick up the pace. However, even when this happens, individual growth is still gained, mainly for the partner who is most actively pursuing the goals established in counseling. There may even be some relationship growth, but it won’t be as significant as the growth that occurs when both partners are fully committed to the process. Resistance is a common occurrence in the counseling process. Many individuals are afraid of change, or they are telling themselves they won’t be able to do their part in the change process, so they don’t really try. A good counselor will help the stagnant partner identify the source of their resistance so that they are able to make working through their resistance a goal to be achieved in order to join their partner more fully in the process of creating a more harmonious and satisfying relationship.

What Exactly is  Your Role as Our Couple's Counselor?

My role as your couple's counselor is to: lead you to insights that will supplement your understanding of your relationship problems; point out each partner’s strengths; bring both partners to an awareness of their blind spots and unconscious patterns (including resistance); teach you some tools (relationship skills) to overcome your relationship problems and cultivate intimacy with your partner; make sure you are able to learn how to use these skills outside of the counseling office; and help you to heal any old or new psychological wounds along the way. One of my major goals as your couple counselor will be to make sure that by the end of the counseling process, you have the tools and ability to communicate frustrations, resentments, and differences in healthy manner.  This is an essential component to cultivating intimacy and enabling your relationship to thrive.